Fear and Rejection
Anytime a person describes a prodigal child, (taken from the Bible passage about the son who asked for his portion of his inheritance before the death of his father, wasted every cent, and yet was welcomed back by his father) I can relate.
I believed God existed. I had given my life to Christ when I was young, I just didn’t think He was doing anything. (I cannot describe the level of wrong I was, here.) When I combined what I believed were truths from my childhood, the shame and guilt of how I entered my adult life, as well as the shame of how I was continuing to live my adult life, I just went with the flow with coping mechanisms that left me depressed and further traumatized.
Functioning was hard. Breathing was hard. I still couldn’t articulate it - but I felt abandoned, betrayed, useless, unrecoverable, ugly and unwanted… I used the phrase ‘broken’… I just felt so broken. From the standpoint of not being in a relationship with Christ, my coping mechanisms were failing me because I was not applying them correctly. From the standpoint of being in a relationship with Christ, while that is a much larger conversation, the gist of it is: I was afraid.
I could no longer deny the life I thought I built was a figment of my imagination. The freedom this revealed was one thing, but the on-going discoveries into what a healthy, real, relationship with Christ meant, continue to be life altering. I didn’t know the depth of what I did not know.
The freedom and forgiveness that I have since been able to enjoy is indescribable. Everyday is not perfect. Mistakes are still made. Hurt is still suffered. Humanity is still, well, very human. The process of healing is on-going. The difference is that instead of merely being alive, surviving, I am, finally, living.
Helping others discover healing that is truly life altering, those struggling on their own “Freedom Path”, is truly a joy. I graduated with a Bachelors of Arts in Religion, with a focus in Biblical Counseling and completed the Advance Exchanged Life Pastoral Counseling Program through Healing Grace Ministries.
It is worth it to work for your footing in this life. You are worth it to Him. The challenges that accompany maturity in our walks with Christ are necessary, and instructions are given! If you put in the time to slow down and truly look at where you are, you will never be the same… and that is the whole point.
Memberships & Affiliations
Network 220: Commissioned for Exchanged Life / Pastoral Counseling
Columbia Suicide Severity Rating Scale (C-SSRS): Administrator